Zelda oneshots
by Chaosmaiden07
Summary: Several hilarious oneshots about Link and Zelda, the subject could be anything...
1. Link! Stop that!

**This may be the first of many hilarious oneshots, beware...**

**Title- "Link! Stop that!"**

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Princess Zelda has a delema.

It is very serious.

Should she let him continue what he was doing-

-and let the horses over eat?

-and all the farm animals become fat?

Well, he is the hero of time.

When she married him she had no idea about this habit…

No wonder Navi was so eager to leave…

Of course, when he was younger this habit might have developed then…

But the poor target, no one deserved this kind of constant cutting…

"Link! Stop cutting the grass!"

"Zelda! It calms me! And I need practice!"

"no more using the grass for sword practice! You've cut all the grass in Hyrule!"

"but it keeps coming back! Ganon is doing it!"

This was one habit Zelda was going to have a hard time breaking.

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**Like I said, the first of what could be lots of hilarious oneshots. Review!**


	2. strange language

**Yay! chapter 2 is up! Enjoy this Zelda oneshot! Please review!**

**Oh, and I don't own The legend of Zelda, but I would sure love too!**

**Chapter title- strange language**

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In the middle of Hyrule field, Link was grooming his Epona. Glancing over at the tree nearby, he said.

"Navi, what are you doing?" Link asked, Navi the fairy was sitting underneath tree, floating above a large green book.

"shhh! I'm trying to read here Link! But this book seems to be in a strange language!" she said.

One eyebrow raised, Link glanced down at the book she was reading and read a few lines, he sighed, then reached over and turned the book right-side up.

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**intersting, isn't it? This just randomly popped into my head one day. Please review!**

**Chaosmaiden07**


	3. A Link blonde moment

**Hey. Once again, another wonderful oneshot has come to me. Well, actually, Anime Wildfire, she thought this one up and sent it too me, it's pretty funny, so tell me what you think.**

It was gone.

Link searched everywhere, Hyrule castle, Kokiri forest, lake Hylia. EVERYWHERE!

But it was no where to be found.

"Link, it's a stupid hat, forget about it." Navi said, Link looked up from pile of weapons he was digging through and glared at Navi.

"Navi, you obviously don't understand the importance of my hat." He said, going back to digging through the various asortment of weapons he had gained over the years. Navi sighed,

"fine, if this hat is so important to you, I'll help you find it." She said. Link halted from his vain task.

"really? Thanks Navi you're the best!" he said. "don't thank me just yet, I might throw that stupid hat into lake Hylia when we find it." Naiv muttered under her breath.

"ok Link, let's start with the basics. Where all did you go today?" she asked.

"lake Hylia, Kokiri forest, and Hyrule castle." Link said.

"okkkk…. Where did you go first?" Navi asked.

"lake Hylia."

"do you remember leaving your hat there?"

"no, I had my hat the whole time we were there. I remember showing it to the professor right before we left. He had some crazy idea about the angle of my hat or something like that…" Link said.

"ok… where did you go next?"

"Hyrule castle."

"did you leave your hat there?"

"no, Zelda complimented it on the way out."

"what about Kokiri forest?"

"nope, Saria stole it and then gave it back to me before we left."

"then where else in Hyrule did you go?!"

"hm… well I did stop at this tree and sleep in it for a while."

Without saying anything, Link and Navi both glanced up into the tree. There was Link's hat, propped up on one of the branches. Navi glanced over at Link.

"what do you know? Blondes really are dumb."

**no offence to anyone out there who is blonde, Anime Wildfire wrote this at almost twelve and was tired. At least, that's what she told me.**

**Nothing else to say here, except review.**

**Chaosmaiden07**


	4. A hero

**A hero's troubles**

**Sorry about the wait, I couldn't find my notebook with all my oneshots in it.**

Link continued leading Epona through Hyrule marketplace, her back loaded with packages. Link glanced behind him, then turned around and shook his head, continuing his way.

The girls behind him squealed and started giggling about him. Navi groaned and sat on Epona's back.

_This is what happens when you follow a hero._

**Yeah, it's short, but I've got a few more coming. Reiew!**

**Chaomaiden**


	5. Lesser of evils

Zelda one shots chapter 4

This was Link's worst nightmare.

The entire castle was involved

He was going to die…

Despite all that he had face to save this land, and the beautiful princess

To be killed in such a way

"Link, stop sneezing, just because you are allergic to dust doesn't mean that you can't help with the spring cleaning of the castle!" Zelda called.

Maybe Gannon was the lesser of two evils.


	6. A nagging suspiction

Why was Shiek still being so mysterious?

It had nothing to do with sheikah culture Link had checked with Impa and Zelda on that one. Nor after Ganon was defeated.

Plus Sheik had promptly creamed Link in 20 different card games, with the bet of removing either Link's hat, Sheik had walked around or teleported Link still wasn't sure witch, all of hyrule wearing Link's hat, (Link had lost, badly). Or if Link won Sheik would take off his mask and hat.

When he asked Zelda to order Sheik to remove his scarf, Sheik had waltzed right in without it.

He had the mask of truth on however.

Even mentioning that Zelda and Sheik were the same person could get you killed. Sheik was very vindictive, and those coccos were no walk in the park. Fortunately Link had a fairy at the time. Otherwise he wouldn't be standing at all.

It was extremely confusing, and Link was very persistent.

Even if Sheik caught all the big poes (it really wasn't fair, where did he put all of them?) waited till he was asleep before releasing them into his room.

Sheik was also a secret arsonist, Link found that out after his tree house went half up in flames, at the time Zelda wanted him at the castle and Sheik had some prior engagement, so Sheik arranged for all the inns to be full, with Link left with no other option of having to stay at the castle and protect Zelda from more kidnapping attempts.

Sheik could have just changed the guards around but noooooo, he wanted to make Link's life miserable.

And why couldn't Sheik just defeat Gannon on his own without having to wait for 7 years till Link showed up?

Nope, and Link was determined to find out why.

Finally Link found the Sheikah standing on his head, and it gave him a malevolent idea. He ran off and frowned his prey by the new deku sprout. Stuffing it into his especially prepared trap he quickly left the forested dominion. Jumping onto Epona, who was quite used to Link's attempts at racing around to help others. Link whispered his plan to his captive promising obedience from the new one.

The malevolent force of picturesque innocents agreed. Wondering the same as the hero.

Any attempt at night would have Link thrown out of the castle. So Link just walked up to the gate, used a small minuscule amount of power from his secret weapon, Link had intended only one guard to fall, all the guard did, so potent was his secret weapons tenacity at being used thusly.

Link skipped up the path to the castle, across the moat and over into the outer area of the castle. He stopped by Zelda's room yesss, his prey remained unaware lurking inside.

Link smiled as he entered, "Hello Sheik."

Sheik raised a baleful eye at the hero, before it widened slightly at Link's secret weapon, before Sheik could escape, Link unleashed the contents of his bottle.

Sheik writhed in agony.

Link found the distress of his comrade fulfilling and made a memo to himself to check out the new postings of geroudo king. Sheik with all his sheikah training and iron will took an astounding amount of time to surrender, a whole minute!

Link was impressed, "So Sheik want to answer my question?"

Sheik nodded still shaking from the torture inflicted.

Link caught his nefarious minion and stuffed her back into the bottle.

"So, why are you still being so mysterious?"

Sheik gulped, at least Link thought he did, and mumbled something, "Sorry I couldn't catch that."

Sheik glared at him, "I said I got really bad sunburn waiting for you to show up at all the temples."


	7. travesty

**I don't own Zelda and this was a spur of the moment thing, I havn't updated in forever and collage will start soon so.**

**I hope you like it**

** and thanks to all who reviewed**

It was a travesty

Honestly

Who would have thought the great hero of time defeated by a little girl?

Link glared at his captor, who continued to smile serenely back at him. Honestly this was going to far, he had saved her on multiple occasions, even risking life and limb and this was how he was repaid?

First she had used her little face to lull him into a sense of security, then used navi can you believe it navi to turn on him.

Then used the rest of her minions to draw out the gulp, fangirls, they seemed to sense whenever he was weak and came in droves.

Link looked down, yep Ruto and the other fangirls the female half of the population of hyrule, were waiting for the rope to snap and deliver their prey into their glittery clutches.

She had taken away his hookshot and all his other tools.

The green eyed demon had literally been tampered with during her stay with the poes

Saria grinned wider as the rope began to fray

Then

Link whimpered before caterwauling in a distantly high pitched girly scream.


	8. Chapter 8 fairy food

**It's been awhile.**

"Hey look!"

Link's eyebrow twitched.

"Look!"

Link's hand started twitching,

"Loo-"

Splat.

Link hefted his mega hammer peeling off fairy goo.

The corpse settled to the floor.

Link nodded satisfying at the little heap of crushed fairy.

Before frowning, bottling it and jumping on Epona for the short distance to lake Hyla.

A least navi would be much more useful as fish bait then she had been in real life.

Link smiled, maybe he would break that largest fish caught record he had set.

He turned, the day seemed so much brighter, even if he was in the shadow temple.

**Any other ideas?**


	9. Chapter 9 minda bribe

**I do not own Zelda this is just for fun, and I found it so I'm posting it.**

Our hero, Link sat cross a shadow verson of Midna, his arms were crossed.

"I'm not doing it."

Minda glared at him, her usal 'death glare' had suprisingling no effet. She put her hands on her hips, oh how she wished for her real form, she could towar over Link, course if she had her read form she could do it herself, but regardless. Link's selfless acts, mostly for her benefit and the occasional ask to be a wolf so to run away or terrify the mail man were warented. But in all that he had never shrunk away. Not when faced with the fused shadow bosses, or the boss's from the mirrior fragments.

Minda took a deep breath, she would try to confort him, he was the hero, and she should have guessed he would need some pep talk and encouragement evenchilly. He had come so far.

"Come on Link! You've face tons of worse monsters than this! You can do it! You're the hero, the legendary beast!"

Link looked at her despairingly, "I can't just turn into a wolf and tear the thing to pices."

Minda felt horrible, Link should be smiling, he was always smiling, or smirking at a boss.

"Link… You're the hero. We got the fused shadows. Then the mirrior fragments!"

Link looked slightly curious, "But the way I've been meaning to ask you. Where did you put those?"

Minda looked surprised, "The same place you put all your iteams Link." At least he was curios, that was an improvement. She looked abck in the door then back at Link, then asked kindly, "Do you want to try again?" Link shook his head.

Minda suddenly had a brilliant idea, "You'll never have to do it again!"

Link looked at her eyes flashing with uncrtanily. Minda encouraged, "Never ever again."

Link picked himself up, then ran through the door, and came back with the Sol, he placed it on the indent on the ground. Then looked around, "Over their I think." Minda followed him. Link made his way through, they came to the back of the place. Link abruptly turned on his heel, "You said I would never have to do it again. It was creepy and scary enough the first time."

"Link, I'm sorry." She really was, their wold be no way for her to convince him this time. He was just terrified of that black floating hand. Of course she was too, she instaly promiced Link that she would get rid of both of them. After he got the first sol, but this one was really testing his strength. Minda glaced into his eyes, currently shooting a subzero feral death glare at her for even owing such a thing, much less having it use.

Minda knew that Link wanted more than anything to save everything, he just needed a little nuge. "You can play the star game when we get back, as many times as you like."

Link's eyes lit up, "Really?"

His enthuiasam was infectios, "Yea! Well beat your own reacord! The sooner you get the sol, the sooner you can play!"

Link was now beming at her and raced off, and returned at the entrance, weary but grinning at her triomphitly.

"Good job Link!" She parased, "Out of curiosity, what is it with you and the star game though?"

Link grinned michivesly, "It's not so much the game, but the look on his face when he sees me."

"Acually, I go in their now just to see his reaction when he sees me."

**what do you think?**


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